April 2008 written by Casey
The other day a little piece of my heart broke off and dissolved into nothingness. I felt it happen. It was a distinct break.
It was not to be mistaken for anything else. It was definitely a piece of my heart.
That little piece had been painful for a long time, always a dull steady simmering as if waiting for the final moments of it’s hanging on to at last take place.
Out of somewhere so deep that words are not allowed or com-prehended, the tearing began…
steadily and slowly ripping into my chest as it cut itself off from the rest of its’ surroundings.
No panic really, only inside wailing mounting higher as the tearing finished.
Suddenly it was silent and the pressure was lifted. Like a tightly wrapped spring that had gained freedom at last. A sure resolution came over my whole heart as it sighed loudly “finally”
I think it was the first time I actually lost a piece of my heart forever. It has been shredded, stomped, rejected, blessed and full to overflowing before, but it still stayed intact.
Not this time.
I wonder if anyone has ever studied how many little pieces of a heart can break off before the accumulation is more than their remaining heart? Will it be missed? And does it repair itself this side of Heaven?
Before any answers come,
Somewhere deeper than this first break, I feel another starting.
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